|Taken by Parker Deen in Summer of '10|
Anyways. Work will go one of two directions, super busy or super dead.
Last night I came home, I didn't see anything on the floor-but as I got closer to the couch I had seen Bella had thrown up on the towels/blanket. No big deal. So washed those. Deciding that I will not offer moist food too much to Bella-maybe a couple times a week rather than every day. Seems since I decided to incorporate flavors, she has gotten more puke-y.
Bill and I talked, and he says he does want things between us to work out. I gave him something to think about in regards to how he probably uses porn (and doesn't realize it) and that it does, in fact, make things worse between us. Putting unsaid pressure on him to actually open up and be real with a real person vs. watching what he wishes he could achieve sex-wise and finding it to be too much of an open and real thing. Me, knowing that he's seen something filmed, edited (?) but overall the perception of what he deems to be 'perfect sex' and finding myself falling short.
I have told him that he needs to work on being a friend to me. That is what we are to each other first-and that seems to be what gets pushed to the wayside.
by NO means am I saying that because of things he said, I'm staying because I feel things will work out.
I'm going to take it one day at a time, but I'm going to keep a level head on my shoulders. I'm not expecting miracles. I'm preparing myself, and am save. I have a plan in my head I'm working on IF I need it, and for me to ever feel I could make it on my own, I need to have the money in which to do it.
I do want to give him a chance....but my trust is completely shattered by his lying. Have told him so.
So...after being woken up multiple times by the kitties...I'm sipping coffee...and sadly must subject myself to Justin Bieber...and realize I sing a lyric of one of his songs to Cordelia Joy..."Baby, Baby, Baby-Oooooo!"
Damnit! I do, however, sing it in my trademark squeaky voice....I think it adds character.