Sunday, January 30, 2011

I'm sorry

Me at 18/19 years old-first family picnic with Bill's family.
that I'm not the same person I was back almost 8 years ago. A shy 18 year old with short red hair and more piercings than I have now.
Back when you thought I was more open-minded. I kept my mouth shut about your porn, I allowed myself to try new things because I was afraid you might not like me if I didn't. I worried that I would become un-exciting...out sex life would dwindle, and it would be my fault.
Little did I know what was lurking underneath you. That you had your own demons, your depression issues so so valiantly tried to hide. Ultimately it made me feel inferior, like something was wrong with me.
More and more you left your dvds out, started to seek interaction out online in chat rooms...becoming embarrassed when I ultimately caught you.
You can't delete pictures without deleting them again....and the insulting answer of 'you didn't know what they were' after you looked one out of 3...a lie.
You say I'm only after your money.
I do provide most of the animal care, the food, and the vet bills, and the pet insurance, and the accessories.
I pay the storage unit every month. I help pay the cellphones, the car, the electric, the rent.
I fix you meals, I do not ask for frivilous things. All I've asked is if you help with the cheap cat food purchases.
I'm sorry our sex life is lackluster. I feel I'm not sexy enough for you....and then with an IUD that has given me some wonky menstrul issues. Sorry.
Oh yeah, and herpes too? Where ever the hell THAT came from...I'm kinda at a loss, but I would like to think I'm a bit unappealing when I have an outbreak. Simply for the fact I'm trying to be fucking considerate. Especially since the last time we had sex you seemed a little leery of me all of a sudden. Way to make me feel appreciated!

Maybe I do not care anymore about if you want to look at porn or not. Since it does such a great job of bringing us together and making you feel complete. I do think it is dumb as hell for you to bash my not helping you to pay off your credit cards when it seems you ran up a shitload of charges for porn and a dating site. I'd be much happier to contribute if you were not a jackwagon. I'm not going to help pay for something that belittles me. I have my own damn credit card to pay, thank you very much.

You seem mad at me now because I'm taking my vet assistant course.
No one but yourself is stopping you from doing anything online (besides porn)

I'm sorry I'm a disappointment. That I make less money than you and seem to need you to buy groceries when you are home. You do eat a lot...I figure it is fair. I clip coupons, go for bargains. Sorry I am not good enough.

What the fuck did you expect? I was 18 when we started dating. I was going to grow up! Or were you hoping I'd grow up into a porn star or something? So sorry. Sorry I grew up to have morals, sorry that I was hurt in past relationships by porn. Sorry that I feel that you rubbing it in my face, that I essentially took away your manhood falls on my deaf...very deaf...ears.

1 comment:

  1. {{{hugs}}} Josie...
    I hope things are better now...