Friday, November 5, 2010
Sniffle and snort
I'm going to take a big step in this, simply because I dislike the thought of having a 'stigma'. I mean, really, I already lived a stigma from having battled bulimia for years.
I have genital herpes.
Earlier this year I went to the doctor because I had what looked like an overgrowth of ingrown hairs. I immediately knew this was not the case and wanted confirmation. Unfortunately, the doctor I went to was not my regular doctor, and I feel really didn't know squat. He gave me false hope (I'm sure not intentionally) and sent me on my way (after having a scraping done and a pap/physical) later that week I got a phone call right after having a nice outing with my mother. Instead of a doctor it was the standard nurse-'You have herpes, we're going to give you a prescription for an anti-viral'....I was stunned.
How in the hell did I get herpes?
Anyways, after reading on the internet and getting over my initial shock...that the majority of humans have the herpes virus but either a. do not get outbreaks, or b. get outbreaks so infrequently or have outbreaks so minor they do not even notice. Usually the first outbreak is the worst.
I just have a suspicion I'm going though one.
Herpesherpesherpes...another thing for me to sit on with my dignity and hold my head up.
Then another thing on my mind. The lack of having a human child. I'm getting older, you start getting the impression that your choice to be childless affects the others around you and in your family. Relatives start questioning 'when?' and you sit and feel uncomfortable because of the expectations placed upon you.
Granted this is something that could very well be said that it's all in my head.
I guess sometimes the part in me longing to be a parent to a human child gets upset. It's especially easy to just feel overwhelmed when there are two people I work with that are expecting. You wonder what it would be like.
I guess sometimes I have a hard time feeling like there isn't something wrong with me.
Even tho I know there isn't.
Other than that, I have had a good afternoon. Spend some time with friends, saw his kitten, and watched a movie. I treated myself to a grilled cheese sandwich (home made) and am thinking of a nap. I was woken up at 3ish this morning due to Bella being sick. Then my dr. called and woke me up (ha, I complained too much I guess!) so I'm feeling a bit sluggish. And since I'm not 100% besides...moreso.
Oh well...someday I guess. Someday.