Monday, October 4, 2010

My second day

as 26. Seriously and honestly, it is no different than any other day. All that is different is the feeling that I need to accomplish something more so now, than ever before. I need to figure out or at least, set in motion, what I would like to do for the rest of my life.
Honestly, the job I'm at now....I enjoy it. I care about the place as a whole...what it means. I care about the people I work with...many I consider friends. It's my second home, my second family.
The thing that I cannot forget tho, is the toll that the job I'm doing is taking on my body. Repetitive motions, lifting, and overall general stress and anxiety. The job that fell into place for me a few years ago, might very well be what is causing the internal walls of my psyche to crumble apart.
Then being sick on and off (more on) for a month...the exhaustion. One thinks 'every job has their ups and downs'...and 'you should be thankful you HAVE a job'. I respond-I know and I am.
But in all seriousness, one does have to start thinking more of the future when they start to loose the sensation of feeling in their fingers. When stress is more common than not, and physically they start to feel like they are falling apart (because in the physical aspect, they very much are).
I could not lead a very healthful life if I cashiered for the next 10 years. Obviously I've learned the hard way (and am somewhat depressed about it) that cashiering is NOT conducive for my body. It is unnatural for me to be moving my body the way I am. I make adjustments, but it still is unnatural. I have a few days off and go back in, the first few days are almost agony from the pain. I do my stretches, I do my exercises, but still experience a level of discomfort.
It's not easy to admit that a job that one person might think is pretty much nothing, could cause another discomfort. It's disconcerting, because when you are labeled by the job you do, you feel pretty insignificant.
I do not, normally, let the job I do define who I am as a person. Frankly, I'm actually surprised and impressed with myself on how I do my job. I originally didn't think I was cut out for it, but actually do a darned good job AT it.
Thing is, I want to do something more. And I know I'm to do something more; it's just how to get there. The job I originally went to school to learn is now one I couldn't do as a career. Why? Because Cosmetology uses about the same movements and muscles that cashiering does. It is a repetitive motion career, and one that would be aggravated if I did become successful at it.
So...I'm 26 and starting from scratch. What to do?
I'm very likely going to take a Veterinary Assistant program online; at least to get myself back in doing school-work of sorts. Plus, I could get a job as an assistant more easily after that I presume. And if I were able to find an animal shelter in a nearby town, probably more easily able to get on volunteering. It has been suggested I go back to school to become a vet tech. Slight problem with that as how to figure out on keeping my job while doing that. Online is something I am open to....but I'd need to find a clinic to mentor with that would meet the requirements of said school. (and find a clinic open to letting me be there).
So many things to ponder, and I'm easily spooked...because I have this little cloud over my head that rains on me saying 'oh, you can't do that!'

Gotta find a way to bring the sun out.

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