I'm not sure what I feel, other than extremely tired. (the time change, I guess) and I have a sneaking suspicion that allergies are alurkn'. Thanks things that grow.
I sit and think about the good times with Bella Mae, but still-all the bad times are firmly etched into my memory. All the nursing I did for her; the barf clean ups...I remember so much how frustrated I would be coming home to see she had thrown up on the couch or the bed. I basically remember the decline....and it seems to swallow me up. Why can't I just remember the good things? I really don't like remembering how low I was...because I was pretty damn low. Wrapped up with my sick cat, the dynamic that refused to work, and depression.
I would like to remember our bedtime ritual....I'd tell Bella Mae (or Osho) that it was time for bed "come come" while I picked her up and pet her over my shoulder. I'd carry her to bed, either bend over backwards to let her climb off me, or set her down. I'd snuggle down under the covers and she would start making biscuits in the blankets between my legs (she had her own special blanket she liked to lie on.)
She was a talker, especially when it came to food.
I loved coming home and seeing her peeking out the window of the office-then she'd run from it and come to the door to give me a proper greeting.
She, ultimately, inspired me to do more with my life...and for cats.
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Weekend summary:
Went out with a good friend...had a great supper (tuna steak on a cibatta roll with sauteed veggies and pesto mayo)....went to bar for live music....had anxiety attack. (WTF????!)
Paid 5 bucks to hear someone play for over an hour (not the band we wanted to see) watched them for an hour and left.
Lots of HSNEI meetings....feeling motivated....saw the first shelter plan draft-I'm excited! It's very changed already, but seeing we are getting there is awesome.
Kitties aren't wild about the Natural Balance Duck/Pea food. Oh dear.
Cordie had an upset stomach on Saturday-some coconut oil/Slippery elm helped and I felt better.
Went bowling and out to eat with the in-laws + Thor, I suck at bowling (and hit my leg with the ball) but had fun.
Lots of hugs and kitty kisses today. First anniversaries are difficult. I don't think about the daily spats and general hissiness and fighting and growling and snarling. Because while I still miss Annie, I definitely don't miss that--and it's okay not to. Ditto for the difficulties you had with Bella Mae's health issues.
ReplyDeleteSending you purrs and prayers of comfort and understanding. We hope that eventually you'll be able to remember the good times more than the bad.
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