Thursday, February 23, 2012

Hours are inching

ever closer to the end of my vacation.
Hours are also inching ever closer to the first ever HSNEI Cat Adoption Day!
I got the string/feather cat toys finished...I've chosen a few of mine to share (some balls n' stuff) and what else? I need to finish printing some stuff off...and I'm set.

I got a notice in the mail about my insurance premium going up....373 to over 400 dollars....a 40 some dollar add-on. I really hate how we HAVE to have health insurance, but we're basically gutted for it (too). I can go up a deductible limit...I'm at 1,700 right now....the next is 3,300....less than the 5,000 deductible that my husband and I had at one point.
Also, the plan we are on covers pregnancy. Even if it doesn't have complications. If I went to the silver plan, it would only cover complications.

If Bill and I knew we weren't having wouldn't be such a big deal. If we have kids and I have a 3,300 deductible, I'll for sure have to pay that. If I had 1,700...that's a lot less to pay.
It's really a no-win situation. I emailed my rep to ask him his thoughts, if I do not get an email from him I will call him tomorrow and ask him. I just want an opinion of some kind.

Really, I should just get my tubes tied. I really feel I have no business having a kid...there is a lot in my genetics I do NOT want to pass on. I also do not feel I can comfortably have a child without a backlash of psychological distress on my part. I still have body issues...I still worry about getting fat. I don't want to change so completely and then lay blame on an innocent being.

I also just feel it's pretty pointless for me to knowingly have a child when I could help a child who needs a family.
Just Bill doesn't feel the same...and basically would rather not have children at all than adopt.

Then I think about my Grandma Gert and my Grandma Smith;both whom had kids to take care of them...get their them get to the dr.
What will happen to me if I DON'T have human kids? Who is going to take care of me?

I know it's very stupid to worry about such things...but I'm going against the grain....the only person in my family who has adopted is my aunt Lorraine. She couldn't have kids, she and my uncle adopted my two cousins....but she has kids. Not one person in my family (aside from a few male cousins on my dad's side and a female cousin on my mum's side) doesn't have at least ONE kid.

Oh what to do.


  1. I was blessed to never want children of the human variety, not even when I was young. Could never understand the desire to do so. I could and can understand how a woman can love her husband/partner so much that she wants HIS child. But wanting *a* child? Never got that.

    And just because you have kids does NOT mean they will take care of you in your old age and dotage. The nursing homes are filled with elderly people whose children have put them in there and forgotten about them.

    I would say not to make a rash decision, especially if you are waffling. I truly was lucky to just never have the desire for offspring.

  2. Well, I have a couple more years to go long as I don't get sick of my iud. I am probably going to suck it up, take a few days off, and get one re-inserted once this one 'expires'...I REALLY hate the idea and it's been a love/hate relationship with it.
    I really would rather adopt. I don't have the desire to have a physical child anymore. (at this time.) I think any doubts I have are my dealing with the reactions and responses of family members. I don't feel I can afford a kid (who can, really?)
    I want a home...somewhere stable. I want to fully do rescue work...I want to do stuff like that-which I feel having a child would prevent me from doing 100% for some time.
    Plus, child care? HA! That's like having to sell a liver!
    And the biggest kicker-Bill isn't home weeknights 99.9% of the time-I am not "single mom" material.

  3. When I was young, I didn't want kids for many of the same reasons you mention. Seemed cruel to me to bring a kid into this f-ed up world. And I didn't want to pass on all my crazy attributes to a little one. For most of my life I never desired kids, much rather have had pets. So now, many years later (and a few thousand dollars in therapy later) things have changed, I have a much more open heart now to the idea and most days, actually like the idea of having a kid. But now that my heart is open the biological clock is not. So, all that therapy and now I get to grieve something I never wanted in the first place!

    Deciding about kids is not an easy thing. I could never understand those who were 100% sure they wanted kids, I don't think the option to not have kids ever even entered their mind. They always looked at me like I was crazy for not having that desire. I imagine it's even more that way for a woman who doesn't want kids.

    Cats. That's what works for me. The biggest bummer about cats though is their shorter lifespan, which means I'm almost guaranteed that I'll be suffering grief from their deaths at some point. Kids typically live longer than pets. Maybe I should get an elephant or a horse, they live much longer lives, but they don't do so well in the house!

  4. I know when I was younger...I totally wanted that "storybook life"....get married, become a mom. Then I realized (all too soon) that it doesn't exist on my income level. Perhaps if I had been born into money or something. Thing is...I was raised the best my mum could...and I have two dads (biological and my step-dad)...but there are things that I grew up with-that I want different for my human kid. If I can't make that happen, then I don't want one until I KNOW.
    Even with living with my mum and step-dad...I never had the kind of father/daughter relationship with him I wanted. Still working on having a fulfilling relationship with my biological dad. Bill is on the road-I don't want my kid growing up with their dad only there 2 days out of the week. It's hard enough with vet appointments-it won't be easier with kid appointments. Thankfully, I can do pretty darned good with my kitty kids...I hate saying they require a little less-but I know they aren't as complicated as humans. :)
    I want to provide for a human child the same way I strive to provide for my kitty kids-and for that to happen, things would have to change...and they simply can't...yet. That is what curbs me. :/