Soon

it will be Bella Mae's birthday! Exciting! My darling Osho has been with us for a year. Also, it is the anniversary of Bill and I moving to Decorah. Crazy!

Let me see...yesterday I went to Waukon for my eye doc. appointment and was proceeded to be tortured by the dreaded pupil dilation. Joy. For anyone saying that Decorah isn't a long drive when you look akin to a bloodshot (eye) anime character with blinding rays of sun...go suck an olive. It isn't fun at all. So, rather than drive home with my granny sun glasses (which were not dark enough to fully disperse the rays of golden light) I went to visit my grandma and dad.

I still have a hard time accepting the fact that my father is anti-social with me in regards to an occasional phone call or even visit. For that I just simply have to accept the fact that it is what it is.

Bella Mae is frolicking about the house today, acting so silly. It's good to see her being cute. Of course you must insert the occasional antagonizing of Cordelia Joy. She delicately reaches her paw out to lightly touch Bella Mae's head or paw. Then Bella Mae ties to coax her into a game of roughhousing or chase her about.

It seems just yesterday Cordelia Joy was this scruff of a kitten whom I brought home...come to find out she had soaked her carrier pad in pee. Then she had spiky fur because I combed coconut oil though it (fleas)...now she is as tall as Bella Mae when she sits. She is only 5 months old. I'm wondering if she is near done or if she has genetics that herald Maine Coon and will continue to grow. Time will tell.

Bella Mae let me hold her for a bit so she could look outside. There is part of her, it seems, that wants to go out. I continue to deny her this because of a. fleas, and b. the road nearby is well traveled. Even if I were out there watching her, if she were to bolt for any reason...I'd be done for. I've toyed around the idea of taking her out with a harness, but against my better judgement. She was outside once...and then if she got used to going out again I feel it would make entering and exiting the residence tricky.

Sleep and dreams have been odd lately. My anxiety is up, stress is up, and my general sense of emotional discomfort are high. I feel like I'm reaching for something and I have no idea what it is...I feel like I'm trying to hide from something that is equally as mysterious but also terrifying. A sense of being lost. The lack of what to expect is distressing.

But it is what it is...whatever it is.