Monday, March 21, 2011

Of course

the moment I think something is awry I freak out (as much as the prozac will let me freak out)

Cordelia's bathroom habits changed slightly; and when I noticed a decrease in some urine I freaked out. Nothing 'wrong'; no discoloration, no straining, no crying.
It's like 'oh, I'm going to just go potty now instead of waiting until later.

Nothing amiss.
Mum says that perhaps she's having some nerves or stress due to Bella Mae not being here anymore.
Then I sit and wonder if I've overly 'mothered' Cordelia Joy these past days. Too much attention?

I went to work in a jumble of nerves...worrying...and then thinking about adopting....Bill thinks I should. I think I have a fear if I adopt some tragedy will happen.

I know a majority of my feelings are stemming from the fact I took care of an ailing cat for almost 2 years. Now that I have a healthy cat, my first instinct is to worry over something (even if it is nothing)

In regards to adopting again-I suppose Bill is right. It's something I want to do....to find the right match for Cordelia and our household.
Death and destruction is not something that will follow an adoption. Bella was a special kitty, Bella was also a kitty who had a will to live. Something to fight for; and fact of the matter was she was old and sick when I took her in.
Fact is nothing I could've done would've saved her.

I need to stop giving myself such a hard time; and not stress out over nothing. I wish I could give myself a hug, but I'll just hug Cordelia...and then she'll decide to go 'back climbing' (crawling over my shoulder so I bend over and she can have a kitty-back ride around the house)

2 comments:

  1. OMG, do I ever relate to this!

    After Annie went to the "Bridge," I noticed that Derry hadn't pooped in three days. Carted him off to the vet, spent $216 on a check, x-ray, and baby enema. He's been going roughly every other day, which is his norm. (It was the high fibre kibble that stopped him up.) But now I still fret and worry and obsess about litter box output. He was due to go Wednesday, but didn't go till Thursday 4AM. Then he was due Saturday, but didn't go till 8PM. For heaven's sake, now I'm keeping track! 52 hours is how long it took him.

    I think it's natural to obsess when you've lost a fur family member, especially one who had been sick. Every little thing gets blown out of proportion.

    As for adopting again, you'll know when the time is right. Then, the right cat will choose YOU. :-)

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