Admission

I re-registered to vote today.
I have never been political....and have not voted.
Today, I decided would be the day I'd re-register...and cast my vote.

I'm not political, but I felt compelled to at least throw out a vote today.

Crossing fingers.

Last day

of crazy, summer-like temps. However, even tho it is actually grey and humid/damp outside. Tomorrow is supposed to be chilly, and after that, I'll likely start making my rounds to the windows and getting plastic up. (GRR)

I survived the Co-Op's MAD sale yesterday, I had the second highest in sales that I "sold"...I sold over $8,000 of stuff.
Damn girl.

My aunties Judy and Joan came to Iowa last Friday and stayed at the 'Stead until Sunday afternoon. First time they have left the 'Stead on a Sunday. I had 3 days of going back and forth-and overall it was a good time. I'll admit, I was exhausted. My mum was down, and trying to remind myself that I can't fix that gets exhausting.

Otherwise, life is going, and keeps going. I had 2 really good bike rides with a friend yesterday and today. So I did the full "loop" 2 days in a row. Yesterday the route we took I didn't need any breaks-today we went the opposite direction. I had one short rest break and that's it. I was exhausted this morning-so a text message from him was the only thing that really got me out of bed. "Would you like to go for a ride today?" "Hooookay...." get up, drink coffee, and really wish I was actually going back to bed. It's a week where my body can't catch up to itself. I'm tired as heck. I'm on vacation next week...a week of doing NOTHING. However, I must make sure to go ride. I can't be a lazy ass.

Kitties are doing well...which reminds me, soon I'll have to get Figgy in for a check up.
I had some reconciling fun-I thought I scheduled a payment online for my credit card...well, I must not have completed it...so I ended up paying the full bill rather than 2 parts. So I was able to add in 79 dollars back to my check balance...sweet. I'm actually doing a better job of budgeting than I thought. Next month I'll finally be able to be caught up with everything-and no double charges for car insurance switching, etc.

I also made the decision to end coverage of pet insurance at the moment. I didn't touch the deductibles on any of the kitties...so I'm going to try Care Credit for the time being and just add money into my savings account.

I'm seriously contemplating on leaving HSNEI for awhile. I'll probably get back into volunteering, but I don't think I'm a good fit as a foster coordinator. Especially for cats. I thought I'd be perfect for it, but I'm too soft-hearted, and it gets to be way too depressing not having foster homes available and always saying "I'm sorry" I also had some drama with another volunteer over a cat call that never happened. I really don't feel like it's something I need in my life right now. I did voice my feelings to a fellow volunteer who may be the next president of our group-she understands my feelings and would like to enlist changes to help me-with hopes that I might stay on. But I'll be waiting until the next year for changes...and I'm not sure I can go through another kitten season. I dunno. We'll see.

Up and down

Each day, different emotions
Up and down, up and down.
That is my life right now...this continual motion of up and down.
Some days are great, and I feel like I'm living for the first time,
Other days I wonder what the fuck is going on.
Up and down, up and down.


Let myself mourn
Let myself celebrate
Let myself love
Let myself be loved
Let myself know it's ok
Let myself know tears will fall
Accept.

Fall images

Decided

that I need to stop being so down on myself. I hardly buy myself clothes. I hate buying myself clothes. Ultimately-I feel I am not worthy of having new clothes. I wear my same, tried and true shirts all the time (of course, washed in-between!) but there are some that just need to be replaced.
I have a lack of long-sleeved t-shirts. I need some.
I got 1 active long-sleeved shirt (good for layering for bike riding), one zip-up hoodie, one pair of boot cut jeans in the appropriate size/length (ONLY 1 pair in my size..omg), one dark brown t-shirt, and 8 long-sleeved shirts. Add on a package of hangers, 2 boxes of kleenex, and a box of my sinus decongestant and I still came in under 100.00

Hooray!

I can start feeling a little "sharper" and at least start (slowly) replacing my wardrobe. I'm not a huge fashion queen by any means, but there is something to say with how a pair of jeans makes you feel-especially after realizing you ARE losing that muffin-top.

Ups and downs

Yup, definitely going through the emotional ups and downs. At one point this week I talked to my mum and told her "you know? I spent almost 6 years of trying to feel like I was a wife/married". Just never happened.

Sitting back and reflecting on the decisions that were made. I also have come to the realization that I really can't believe one of the things that Bill told me-that he joined a dating site just because 2 guys he knew had profiles. He was being charged for full services-you have to put in BILLING information in order to be CHARGED.

I was so fucking stupid to believe him.

I didn't want to believe otherwise. That was my choice and mine alone. I chose to believe him, because at the time I wasn't strong or brave enough to go on otherwise.

How much growing up I've done over the years.
It's not easy to acknowledge and accept some of the decisions I made in the past. However, I was not at a point to make them differently.
I had to learn more about what I wanted and needed out of myself, and out of life.
I'm still grasping that.

I pushed myself on my bike ride today, the wind was strong, but I decided "hey, it'll be better when I turn around and head back home" plus, I had an entire chocolate bar yesterday. Also, the fact my day started off well, and a friend and I are going to go to a concert in November (to see Fun.)

I went, I got to my usual turn around point, and then I realized I frickn' lied to myself. The ride back was just as hard, if not harder!

My birthday is creeping up...my neighbor/friend, Gaby and I are planning a shingdig. It'll be great! Good times with good friends, some adult beverages and scavenger hunting (along with a fake mustache)

Day by day

I'm taking each day at a time.
Lately feelings of sadness over how hard I worked to save something that just couldn't be saved.

Allergies are accelerated right now. That's making bike riding trickier.
I just changed out a box of cat litter-Worlds Best Multicat was far too dusty for me to tolerate anymore. I ended up inhaling some corndust and had a tickle in my throat most of last night. So I give up on that litter. Never again.

My tummy is having some unhappy feelings, so took some pepto. I'm going to be talking with my neighbor tonight after I get home from work.

I'm having some "eh"
There is a guy I'm friends with (to an extent) but I just...I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the attention right now. He's wanting to hang out, but I'm not feeling great about that idea. I feel like it's an invite now because I'm "single". I wouldn't feel so weird about it had we gone out for coffee prior to the divorce topic. I just have this feeling that if I were to go and hang out or have coffee...it's just going to lead him to think more than what I'm capable of.

Then my ex messaged me on Facebook last night. He also messaged Bill and sent him a friend request. I know he has to know about the divorce. (Esp. since my aunt Syl knows-that means all of Waukon will know.)
That gave me a jolt. I'm glad he didn't just message me, but Bill and I text about it this morning...it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And now I'm feeling more like I need to lock my door at night.

I'm hoping with my not responding to his "cute little message" and giving him what he wants...that he'll get the hint.